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[forgeabettertomorrow]

You're reached Darin Altway, Master Blacksmith! Got something that needs doing? Just let me know you're fixin' for and I'll fix it right up for ya!

Comments

[forgeabettertomorrow]

No idea.

Cooks it?

[thearchangel]

Worse.

It breaks down your organs, tissues. Stops them from functioning like normal because the cells that make up your whole damn body are too damaged. Their DNA is so screwed up, they stop being... well. Cells.

Sure, it can burn you, but most importantly, it stops your whole body from being able to do anything it should. Your hair falls out, in races with hair. You get nauseated, because your system stops being able to process food. And water.

If you're lucky, all you get is a treatable cancer. If not, you're dead.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[There's a solid five minutes before the dots appear that he's typing.]

Okay, I wanna preface this statement with the fact that I'm not gonna try this but

It does raise the question of what I can survive. I don't think I can survive that but

I guess I'm just realizing how little I know about how my stupid body works.

[thearchangel]

How about we test it with something significantly less lethal.

Like launching you out of a cannon.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

The problem is I can't tell if you're joking or not but also?

I bet I could survive it.

[thearchangel]

I'm serious.

Partly because it'd be funny.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

If we do this we can't tell Zelda.

[thearchangel]

Hey, that's your problem.

She's not my superior officer. I don't have to make a report.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[There's a couple of minutes before he responds.]

Honestly maybe we better not. I'm sure I'd survive but Zelda doesn't like seeing me get hurt and I don't want to put her through that because I thought I was invincible.

[thearchangel]

Ah.

You know, you're not beating the "I have feelings" allegations right now.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

WHAT'S SO WRONG ABOUT BEING CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR FRIEND'S FEELINGS, GARRUS?!

[thearchangel]

Nothing, nothing.

I just know that I've never tried to spare Tali's feelings for my stunts. Not like this, anyway.

[Garrus that's because your relationship with Tali is a shitty sibling relationship.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Hey Garrus that might be because you're a jerk.

Seriously, she's just a girl that I am good friends with.

[thearchangel]

What, me? Never. She's one of my oldest friends. If I really bothered her that much, she'd have shot me. Point blank. With her shotgun.

Uh huh. All right.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

See this is why Zelda's better.

She just chained me up with light shackles till I listened to her.

[thearchangel]

...



Huh. I didn't know you were into that.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Into what?

I kinda deserved it I was being an ass.

[thearchangel]

Into being tied up, Darin.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Yeah I like being busy what's your point?

[thearchangel]

Okay there's no way you're that dense.

It's a kink thing. Restraints. Bondage. Being tied up for fun.

1/???

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[A half hour passes before Garrus' shellphone blows up.]

IT'S WHAT?!?!?!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

WE WEREN'T

[forgeabettertomorrow]

GARRUS SHE WASN'T TYINGGD ME UP

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I WAS BEING BAD AND SHE WAS TRYING TO MAKE ME KNEEL AND

[forgeabettertomorrow]

BUT NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!!